Random Funny Things

[stallion]

Here's where I will post all the random and amusing things I come across in my day-to-day wanderings of this great ball of dirt called Earth. Feel free to add comments.

3/3/05: Applebee's is selling shamrocks to support MD research and to aid Jerry's Kids (I don't know if this is tied in to Jerry Stallings' fund to provide kegs in the movie theater for underage kids....). You've seen them before, those shamrocks where people fill in their names. Some names that graced the Applebee's bar were: Peter North, Al Coholic, Anita Butts, Anita Mann, Jimmy Buffett. I gave serious thought to adding Jimmy Teat to that list. I still may.....

3/4/05: I love people that call my law firm and ask to do their initial interview over the phone. If something happened that's important enough to file a lawsuit, you should be able to get up off your ass and come into an attorney's office for twenty minutes. I realize people work, but hell, you're going to have to come in sometime. People just expect money but won't do what is required of them to obtain it. They just feel like they've been wronged and they're automatically entitled. Goddamn morons.

[stallion]

Is anyone else annoyed by the fact that Martha Stewart just got out of jail and is now worth about $300 million more than when she went in? I am so sick of this bitch. I almost threw up when Laura brought home some Martha Stewart dishrags, giving her more money. If I committed securities fraud, I would be doing several years in prison, and not in some cushy cupcake prison. But no, not Martha! Instead, she MAKES MORE FUCKING MONEY! And I really don't understand why. For interior decorating? Hell, I can do that! Match colors. Don't block shit. Clean your house. Don't buy shitty furniture. There you go. All you need to know about interior decorating. Nobody's paying me a damn dime. While I'm on the rant of celebrities operating above the law like criminals on Knight Rider, how about this shit with Michael Jackson? He goes into the hospital for the flu (he must have AIDS, because you don't go into the hospital for the flu unless you're old or diseased), and of course he has to get the best room in the house. So this old woman, who has organs failing left and right and is hooked up to a machine keeping her alive, has to be carted out of there so Jacko can be more comfortable (couldn't they just give him some Jesus juice?). But she dies in between being unplugged and plugged back in. The worst part? Her family was not allowed to see her because Jacko's security blocked off the whole floor. Like someone's going to make a move on Jacko. I don't think he's some public figure worth assassinating. Nobody gives a fuck about him anymore. But because he needed the best hospital room to recover from the fucking flu, some poor old woman died and her family was denied access to her in her final moments. Thank God the family is suing Jackson and the hospital. I really hope that he is sentenced to a long prison term. He'll probably commit suicide long before he goes to jail, but it would be worth him getting sentenced to atone for the mass number of celebrities who escape the scales of justice unscathed. While we're at it, let's put Robert Blake away too. Not that he's really a celebrity. One bad TV show 30 years ago and a spot as the villian in "Money Train" does not a celebrity make.

[stallion]

Here is the complete, uncensored list of words that cannot be put onto a customized NFL jersey, according to the NFL:
420
666
2 ON 1
3RD EYE
3RD LEG
3RDEYE
3RDLEG
3SOME
4 TWENTY
4TWENTY
60 NINE
60NINE
A.S.S.
ANAL
ANAL ANNIE
ANAL SEX
ANALANNIE
ANALSEX
ANUS
ARSE
ASS
ASS BAGGER
ASS BLASTER
ASS CLOWN
ASS COWBOY
ASS FUCK
ASS FUCKER
ASS HOLE
ASS HOLES
ASS HORE
ASS JOCKEY
ASS KISS
ASS KISSER
ASS KLOWN
ASS LICK
ASS LICKER
ASS LOVER
ASS MAN
ASS MONKEY
ASS MUNCH
ASS MUNCHER
ASS PACKER
ASS PIRATE
ASS PUPPIES
ASS RANGER
ASS WHORE
ASS WIPE
ASSBAGGER
ASSBLASTER
ASSCLOWN
ASSCOWBOY
ASSFUCK
ASSFUCKER
ASSHOLE
ASSHOLES
ASSHORE
ASSJOCKEY
ASSKISS
ASSKISSER
ASSKLOWN
ASSLICK
ASSLICKER
ASSLOVER
ASSMAN
ASSMONKEY
ASSMUNCH
ASSMUNCHER
ASSPACKER
ASSPIRATE
ASSPUPPIES
ASSRANGER
ASSWHORE
ASSWIPE
ATHLETES FOOT
ATHLETESFOOT
AXING THE WEASEL
B HARD
BACK DOOR
BACK DOOR MAN
BACKDOOR
BACKDOORMAN
BACKSEAT
BAD ASS
BAD FUCK
BADFUCK
BALL LICKER
BALL SACK
BALLLICKER
BALLS
BALLSACK
BANGING
BARELY LEGAL
BARELYLEGAL
BARF
BARF FACE
BARFACE
BARFFACE
BASTARD
BAZONGAS
BAZOOMS
BEASTALITY
BEASTIALITY
BEAT OFF
BEAT YOUR MEAT
BEATOFF
BEAT-OFF
BEATYOURMEAT
BI
BI SEXUAL
BIATCH
BIG ASS
BIG BITCH
BIG BITCH
BIG BUTT
BIGASS
BIGBASTARD
BIGBUTT
BISEXUAL
BI-SEXUAL
BITCH
BITCHES
BITCHIN
BITCHY
BITE ME
BITEME
BLACK OUT
BLACKOUT
BLOW JOB
BLOWJOB
BM
BONER
BONG
BOOBIES
BOOBS
BOODY
BREAST
BREAST JOB
BREAST LOVER
BREAST MAN
BREASTJOB
BREASTLOVER
BREASTMAN
BUDWEISER
BULL CRAP
BULL DIKE
BULL DYKE
BULL SHIT
BULLCRAP
BULLDIKE
BULLDYKE
BULLSHIT
BUMBLE FUCK
BUMBLEFUCK
BUMFUCK
BUNGHOLE
BUTCH BABES
BUTCH DIKE
BUTCH DYKE
BUTCHBABES
BUTCHDIKE
BUTCHDYKE
BUTT BANG
BUTT FUCK
BUTT FUCKER
BUTT FUCKERS
BUTT HEAD
BUTT MAN
BUTT PLUG
BUTT STAIN
BUTTBANG
BUTT-BANG
BUTTFACE
BUTTFUCK
BUTT-FUCK
BUTTFUCKER
BUTT-FUCKER
BUTTFUCKERS
BUTT-FUCKERS
BUTTHEAD
BUTTMAN
BUTTPIRATE
BUTTPLUG
BUTTSTAIN
CAMEL TOE
CAMELTOE
CARPET MUNCHER
CARPETMUNCHER
CARRUTH
CHERRY POPPER
CHERRYPOPPER
CHICK SLICK
CHICKSLICK
CLAM DIGGER
CLAM DIVER
CLAMDIGGER
CLAMDIVER
CLIT
CLITORIS
COCK
COCK BLOCK
COCK BLOCKER
COCK COWBOY
COCK FIGHT
COCK KNOB
COCK LICKER
COCK LOVER
COCK NOB
COCK QUEEN
COCK RIDER
COCK SMITH
COCK SUCKER
COCK TAIL
COCK TEASE
COCKBLOCK
COCKBLOCKER
COCKCOWBOY
COCKFIGHT
COCKHEAD
COCKKNOB
COCKLICKER
COCKLOVER
COCKNOB
COCKQUEEN
COCKRIDER
COCKS MAN
COCKSMAN
COCKSMITH
COCKSUCER
COCKSUCKER
COCKTAIL
COCKTEASE
COCKY
CONDOM
COPULATE
CORN HOLE
CORNHOLE
CRABS
CRACK
CRACK PIPE
CRACK WHORE
CRACKPIPE
CRACKWHORE
CRACK-WHORE
CRAP
CRAPPY
CREAMY
CROTCH
CROTCH JOCKEY
CROTCH MONKEY
CROTCH ROT
CROTCHJOCKEY
CROTCHMONKEY
CROTCHROT
CUM
CUM BUBBLE
CUM FEST
CUM JOCKEY
CUM QUAT
CUM QUEEN
CUM SHOT
CUMBUBBLE
CUMFEST
CUMJOCKEY
CUMM
CUMMING
CUMQUAT
CUMQUEEN
CUMSHOT
CUNNILINGUS
CUNT
CUNT FUCK
CUNT FUCKER
CUNT LICKER
CUNTFUCK
CUNTFUCKER
CUNTLICKER
CYBER SEX
CYBER SLIMER
CYBERSEX
CYBERSLIMER
DAHMER
DAMN
DAMN IT
DAMNIT
DATNIGGA
DD
DEAP THROAT
DEAPER
DEAPTHROAT
DEEP THROAT
DEEPER
DEEPTHROAT
DEFECATE
DEPOSIT
DEVIL
DICK BRAIN
DICK FART
DICK FOR BRAINS
DICK HEAD
DICK LICK
DICK LICKER
DICK LIKCER
DICK WAD
DICK WEED
DICKBRAIN
DICKFORBRAINS
DICKHEAD
DICKLESS
DICKLICK
DICKLICKER
DICKMAN
DICKWAD
DICKWEED
DIKE
DILDO
DIP STICK
DIPSTICK
DIRTY HO
DIX
DIXIE DIKE
DIXIE DYKE
DIXIEDIKE
DIXIEDYKE
DO ME
DOGGIE STYLE
DOGGIESTYLE
DOGGY STLYE
DOGGYSTYLE
DOME
DONG
DOPE
DOUBLE D
DOUBLED
DRAG QUEEN
DRAGQUEEN
DRAGQWEEN
DRE
DRIP DICK
DRIPDICK
DRUNK
DRUNKEN
DUMB ASS
DUMB BITCH
DUMB FUCK
DUMBASS
DUMBBITCH
DUMBFUCK
EASY SLUT
EASYSLUT
EAT ME
EAT PUSSY
EATBALLS
EATME
EATPUSSY
EJACULATE
ERECTION
EVL
EXCREMENT
F TOYOTA
F.I.N.E.
F.U.C.K.
FACE FUCKER
FACEFUCKER
FAGGOT
FAGOT
FAIRY
FANNY FUCKER
FANNYFUCKER
FART
FAST FUCK
FASTFUCK
FAT ASS
FAT FUCK
FAT FUCKER
FATASS
FATFUCK
FATFUCKER
FATSO
FELLATIO
FEMME
FINGER FOOD
FINGER FUCK
FINGER FUCKER
FINGERFOOD
FINGERFUCK
FINGERFUCKER
FIST FUCK
FIST FUCKER
FISTFUCK
FISTFUCKER
FISTING
FLASHER
FLATULENCE
FLOGGIN THE DOLPHIN
FONDLE
FOOT FUCK
FOOT FUCKER
FOOT LICKER
FOOTACTION
FOOTFUCK
FOOTFUCKER
FOOTLICKER
FOOTSTAR
FORE SKIN
FORESKIN
FORNICATE
FOUR 20
FOUR TWENTY
FOUR20
FOURTWENTY
FREAK FUCK
FREAKFUCK
FREAKY FUCKER
FREAKYFUCKER
FREE 4 ALL
FREE FOR ALL
FREE FUCK
FREE4ALL
FREEFORALL
FREEFUCK
FUCK
FUCK BAG
FUCK BUDDY
FUCK FACE
FUCK FEST
FUCK FREAK
FUCK FRIEND
FUCK HEAD
FUCK HER
FUCK IT
FUCK KNOB
FUCK ME
FUCK ME HARD
FUCK MONKEY
FUCK OFF
FUCK PIG
FUCK THEM
FUCK WHORE
FUCK YOU
FUCKA
FUCKABLE
FUCKBAG
FUCKBUDDY
FUCKED
FUCKED UP
FUCKEDUP
FUCKER
FUCKERS
FUCKFACE
FUCKFEST
FUCKFREAK
FUCKFRIEND
FUCKHEAD
FUCKHER
FUCKIN
FUCKIN A
FUCKIN NUTS
FUCKIN RIGHT
FUCKINA
FUCKING
FUCKING A
FUCKING BITCH
FUCKING NUTS
FUCKINGBITCH
FUCKINNUTS
FUCKINRIGHT
FUCKIT
FUCKKNOB
FUCKME
FUCKMEHARD
FUCKMONKEY
FUCKOFF
FUCKPIG
FUCKWHORE
FUCKYOU
FUDGE PAKCERS
FUN FUCK
FUNFUCK
FUUCK
G UNIT
GANG BANG
GANG BANGER

[stallion]

GANGBANG
GANGBANGER
GAY (editor's note: to be removed from the list)
GAY ASS
GAY MUTHA FUCKIN QUEER
GAY PRIDE
GAYMUTHAFUCKINWHORE
GENITAL
GET IT ON
GETITON
GIEHN
GIVE HEAD
GIVEHEAD
GLAZED DONUT
GLAZEDDONUT
GO ME
GO TO HELL
GOD
GOD DAMED MUTHA FUCKA
GOD DAMIT
GOD DAMN
GOD DAMNED
GOD MANIT
GODDAMIT
GODDAMN
GODDAMNED
GODDAMNES
GODDAMNIT
GODDAMNMUTHAFUCKER
GONORREHEA
GONZAGAS
GOOK
GOT JESUS
GOT2HAVEIT
GOTOHELL
G-UNIT
HAND JOB
HANDJOB
HARD ON
HARDER
HARDON
HAREM
HE HATE ME
HEAD FUCK
HEAD LIGHTS
HEADFUCK
HEADLIGHTS
HEHATEME
HELL
HELL NO
HELL YES
HELLNO
HELLYES
HEN HOUSE
HENHOUSE
HERPES
HERSHEY HI WAY
HERSHEYHIGHWAY
HERSHEYHIWAY
HERSHY HIGH WAY
HO
HO MO
HOBO
HOLE
HOLE STUFFER
HOLESTUFFER
HOMO
HOMO BANGERS
HOMO SEXUAL
HOMOBANGERS
HOMOSEXUAL
HONKERS
HONKEY
HOOKER
HOOKERS
HOOTERS
HORE
HORNEY
HORNY
HORSESHIT
HOSE JOB
HOSEJOB
HOSER
HOSTAGE
HOT DAMN
HOT PUSSY
HOT TO TROT
HOT2TROT
HOTDAMN
HOTPUSSY
HOTTOTROT
HUSSY
HUSTLER
I LOVE BEER
I LUV BEER
ID TEN T
ID10T
IDIOT
IDOIT
IN THE ASS
IN THE BUFF
INGIN
INSEST
INTER COURSE
INTER RACIAL
INTERCOURSE
INTERRACIAL
INTHEASS
INTHEBUFF
JACK THE RIPPER
JACKASS
JACKOFF
JACKTHERIPPER
JAP
JAP CRAP
JAPCRAP
JERK OFF
JERKOFF
JESUS CHIRST
JESUSCHRIST
JISM
JIZ
JIZ JUICE
JIZIM
JIZJUICE
JIZZ
JIZZIM
JOINT
JUGGALO
JUGS
K MART
KILL
KILLER
KILLING
KISS ASS
KISSASS
KKK
KMART
KNOCKERS
KOON
KOTEX
KRAP
KRAPPY
KUM
KUM BUBBLE
KUM QUAT
KUMBUBBLE
KUMBULLBE
KUMQUAT
KUNT
KY
KY JELLY
LACTATE
LADY BOOG
LAID
LAP DANCE
LAPDANCE
LESBAIN
LESBAYN
LESBIAN
LESBIN
LESBO
LEZ
LEZ BE
LEZ BE FRIENDS
LEZBE
LEZBEFRIENDS
LEZBO
LEZZ
LEZZO
LICK ME
LICKER
LICKME
LIMP DICK
LIMPDICK
LIMY
LIVE SEX
LIVESEX
LL
LOADED GUN
LOADEDGUN
LOLITA
LOOSER
LOTION
LOVE BONE
LOVE GOO
LOVE GUN
LOVE JUICE
LOVE MUSCLE
LOVE PISTOL
LOVE ROCKET
LOVEBONE
LOVEGOO
LOVEGUN
LOVEJUICE
LOVEMUSCLE
LOVEPISTOL
LOVEROCKET
LOW LIFE
LOWLIFE
LUBE JOB
LUBEJOB
LUCKY CAMEL TOE
LUCKYCAMMELTOE
MAGIC WAND
MAGICWAND
MAMS
MAN HATER
MAN PASTE
MANHATER
MANPASTE
MARY JANE
MARYJANE
MASTABATE
MASTABATER
MASTER BLASTER
MASTERBATE
MASTERBLASTER
MASTRABATOR
MATTRESS PRINCESS
MATTRESSPRINCESS
MEAT BEATTER
MEATBEATTER
MOLEST
MOLESTER
MOLESTOR
MONEY SHOT
MONEYSHOT
MOTHER FUCKER
MOTHER LOVE BONE
MOTHERFUCK
MOTHERFUCKER
MOTHERLOVEBONE
MUFF
MUFF DIVE
MUFF DIVER
MUFF LICKER
MUFFDIVE
MUFFDIVER
MUFFIN DIVER
MUFFINDIVER
MUFFLIKCER
MURDER
MUTHA FUCKER
NAKED
NASTY BITCH
NASTY HO
NASTY SLUT
NASTY WHORE
NASTYBITCH
NASTYHO
NASTYSLUT
NASTYWHORE
NEON DEON
NIG
NIGER
NIGGA
NIGGER
NIPPLE
NIPPLE RING
NIPPLERING
NIT TIT
NITTIT
NO FUCKING WAY
NO SEX
NOFUCKINGWAY
NOOKIE
NOONER
NUDE
NUT FUCKER
NUTFUCKER
OICU812
ON THE RAG
ONTHERAG
ORGASM
ORGY
OU812
OUI
P I M P
PEARL NECKLACE
PEARLNECKLACE
PECKER
PEE
PEEP SHOW
PEEPSHOW
PEEPSHPW
PENETRATION
PENIS
PENTHOUSE
PERIOD
PHQUE
PIMP
PIMP SIMP
PIMPED
PIMPER
PIMPJUIC
PIMPJUICE
PIMPSIMP
PISS
PISS HEAD
PISSED
PISSER
PISSHEAD
PLAY BOY
PLAY GIRL
PLAYBOY
PLAYGIRL
POCKET POOL
POCKETPOOL
POLACK
POON TANG
POONTANG
POOP
POOPER
POOR WHITE TRASH
POORWHITETRASH
POPIMP
PORCH MONKEY
PORCHMONKEY
PORN
PORN FLICK
PORN KING
PORN PRINCESS
PORNFLICK
PORNKING
PORNO
PORNPRINCESS
POT
PREMATURE
PRICK
PRICK HEAD
PRICKHEAD
PRIMETIME
PROSTITUTE
PUBIC
PUBIC LICE
PUBICLICE
PUD
PUD BOY
PUDBOY
PUDD
PUDD BOY
PUDDBOY
PUN TANG
PUNTANG
PURINA PRINCESS
PURINAPRICNESS
PUSSY
PUSSY CAT
PUSSY EATER
PUSSY FUCKER
PUSSY LICKER
PUSSY LIPS
PUSSY LOVER
PUSSY POUNDER
PUSSYCAT
PUSSYEATER
PUSSYFUCKER
PUSSYLICKER
PUSSYLIPS
PUSSYLOVER
PUSSYPOUNDER
PUTT PIRATE
PWT
QUEEF
QUEER
QUICKIE
RAE CARRUTH
RAPE
RAPIST
REAR END
REAR ENTRY
REAREND
REARENTRY
RECTUM
RED LIGHT
REDLIGHT
REEFER
RENT A FUCK
RENTAFUCK
RETARD
RETARDED
RIBBED
RIM JOB
RIMJOB
ROACH
ROBBER
S AND M
S&M
SAMCKDADDY
SANDM
SATAN
SCHLONG
SCREW
SCREW YOU
SCREWYOU
SCROTUM
SEMEN
SEX
SEX FARM
SEX HOUND
SEX HOUSE
SEX KITTEN
SEX POT
SEX SLAVE
SEX TO GO
SEX TOY
SEX TOYS
SEX WHORE
SEXFARM
SEXHOUND
SEXHOUSE
SEXKITTEN
SEXPOT
SEXSLAVE
SEXTOGO
SEXTOY
SEXTOYS
SEXUAL
SEXWHORE
SEXY
SEXY BIATCH
SEXY BITCH
SEXY MOMA
SEXY SLIM
SEXYMOMA
SEXY-SLIM
SHAG
SHAGGIN
SHAGGING
SHAWTYPIMP
SHIT
SHIT DICK
SHIT EATER
SHIT FACE
SHIT FOR BRAINS
SHIT FUCK
SHIT FUCKER
SHIT HAPPENS
SHIT HEAD
SHIT OUT OF LUCK
SHIT STAIN
SHIT4BRAINS
SHITDICK
SHITEATER
SHITFACE
SHITFORBRAINS
SHITFUCK
SHITFUCKER
SHITHAPENS
SHITHAPPENS
SHITHEAD
SHITOUTOFLUCK
SHITS
SHITSTAIN
SHITTER
SHITTING
SHITTY
SHORT FUCK
SHORTFUCK
SHOWTIME
SIX SIX SIX
SIXSIXSIX
SIXTY 9
SIXTY NINE
SIXTY9
SIXTYNINE
SKANK
SKANK BITCH
SKANK FUCK
SKANK WHORE
SKANKBITCH
SKANKFUCK
SKANKWHORE
SKANKY BITCH
SKANKY WHORE
SKANKYBITCH
SKANKYWHORE
SKIN FLUTE
SKINFLUTE
SKUM
SKUM BAG
SKUMBAG
SLANT
SLANT EYE
SLANTEYE
SLAVE
SLAVE DRIVER
SLAVEDRIVER
SLEEZE BAG
SLEEZE BALL
SLEEZEBAG
SLEEZEBALL
SLIDE IT IN
SLIDEITIN
SLIME
SLIME BALL
SLIME BUCKET
SLIMEBALL
SLIMEBUCKET
SLUT
SLUT WEAR
SLUT WHORE
SLUTS
SLUTT
SLUTTING
SLUTTY
SLUTWEAR
SLUTWHORE
SMACK DADDY
SMACK THE MONKEY
SMACKTHEMONKEY
SMAGMA
SMART ASS
SNATCH
SNATCH PATCH
SNATCHPATCH
SNIPER
SNOT
SOB
SODOMITE
SODOMY
SON OF A BITCH
SONOFABITCH
SONOFBITCH
SPANK THE MONKEY
SPANKTHEMONKEY
SPERM
SPERM BAG
SPERM HEARDER
SPERM HERDER
SPERMACIDE
SPERMBAG
SPERMHEARDER
SPERMHERDER
SPIC
SPICK
SPIT
SPITTER
SPLIT TAIL
SPLIT TIAL
SPLITTAIL
STAGG
STRAP ON
STRAPON
STRINGER
STRIP CLUB
STRIPCLUB
STROKE
STROKING
STUPID
STUPID FUCK
STUPID FUCKER
STUPIDFUCK
STUPIDFUCKER
SUCK
SUCK DICK
SUCK ME
SUCK MY ASS
SUCK MY DICK
SUCK MY TIT
SUCK OFF
SUCKDICK
SUCKER
SUCKME
SUCKMYASS
SUCKMYDICK
SUCKMYTIT
SUCKOFF
SUICIDE
SWALLOW
SWALLOWER
SWALOW
SWEETNESS
SWIGN DIXX
SWING DIXX
SWINGIN DIXX
SWINGING DICKS
SYPHILIS
TAMPON
TANG
TESTICLE
TESTICLES
THIRD EYE
THIRD LEG
THIRDEYE
THIRDLEG
THREE SOME
THREESOME
TIT
TIT BIT NIPPLY
TIT FUCK
TIT FUCKER
TIT FUCKIN
TIT JOB
TIT LICKER
TIT LOVER
TITBITNIPPLY
TITFUCK
TITFUCKER
TITFUCKIN
TITJOB
TITLICKER
TITLOVER
TITS
TITTIES
TITTY
TOILET
TOILET BOWL
TONGETHRUSTER
TONGUE
TONGUE THRUSTER
TONGUE TRAMP
TONGUETHRUST
TONGUETRAMP
TOUNG THRUSTER
TOUNGE BALLER
TOUNGE THRUST
TRAILER TRASH
TRAILERTRASH
TRAMP
TRI SEXUAL
TRIPLE X
TRIPLEX
TRISEXUAL
TROJAN
TROTS
TUNNEL OF LOVE
TUNNELOFLOVE
TURD
TWO BIT WHORE
TWO ON ONE
TWOBITWHORE
UNFUCKABLE
UP THE ASS
UP THE BUTT
UPSKIRT
UPTHEASS
UPTHEBUTT
The ones we originally missed:

URINATE
URINE
UTERUS
VAGINA
VAGINAL
VD
VIBRATER
VIBRATOR
VIRGIN
VIRGIN BREAKER
VIRGINBREAKER
VULVA
WAYSTED
WEENIE
WET SPOT
WETSPOT
WHACKER
WHISKEY DICK
WHISKEYDICK
WHISKY DICK
WHISKYDICK
WHITE TRASH
WHITETRASH
WHORE
WHORE FUCKER
WHORE HOUSE
WHOREFUCKER
WHOREHOUSE
WIGGER
WILLIE WANKER
WILLIEWANKER
WUUTANG
XXX
YELLOW MAN
YELLOWMAN

WHEW! There are some funny words on there. G-G-G-G-UNIT!!

[stallion]

This one's for you, Earl!

[The Duke]

Greawt picture Styallion! That is some funny shit. I am not sure if I ever got a chance to see that fine movie though. What a shame.

[stallion]

Well, I did see it. And believe me, it was as bad as you could imagine. I don't remember it all that well as it's one of those things you tend to block from your memory, much like when I tried to watch Universal Soldier 2.

[stallion]

This is funny for obvious reasons.....
www.lehigh.edu/~inmav/ 2002/teammav.htm

Imagine if Mav had his own "Team Mav".

[stallion]

I've decided that the best term on the list is "Fuck Pig", with the runners up being "Bull Dyke" and "Fuck Monkey". Oddly enough, there's no mention of "Bulltits" or "Donkey Punch".

[The Duke]

There's no mention of "fuckstick" or "shittycock" either.

[The Duke]

Or "phuckpeese" either.

[stallion]

How's this for stupid-you can now get the name "Gay" on your jersey as there is an NFL player named Randall Gay (Patriots, I think). But you cannot get "Tongue" to show your love for NFL superstar Reggie Tongue (Chiefs, maybe?). And you can get "Butts" to show your love for former NFL superstar RB Marion Butts. But you can't get a jersey with his nickname, "The Butt-man" on it. And for fans of Beavis and Butthead, you can get Beavis, but no Butthead. I don't think that's fair.

[stallion]

Anyone check out that show "The Contender"? I haven't myself, but hearing Stallone do ads for it, the guy sounds like he's tuning up the pipes for Rocky VI. "Hey, uh, dis is Sylvester Stallone. Yo, uh, check out "The Contenduh." I never get tired of hearing him drone on like he took too many shots to the dome (14 shots, if LL Cool J's counting). Can another scene like this be far behind?

[stallion]

While picking up some burgers at Giant yesterday, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a woman who looked like she had some kind of weird skin rash. I dismissed it because I figured it was part of her shirt. However, upon closer examination, I saw that the woman did indeed have some sort of skin condition reminiscent of the T-Virus or something. This begs the question-if you have skin like a zombie, why the hell are you walking around a grocery store with no shirt sleeves? Cover that shit up, for Christ's sake! I saw a dude with some less-weird shit on his arms while I was walking out of the store. I thought to myself, "Now he's infected. He must have gotten it in the frozen foods section. If I start showing skin lesions by 9 p.m., I'm having Laura set me on fire in the yard." Watch out for these people. I'm sure they're lepers or something sent as a sign of the End of Days. Where's Schwarzenegger when we need him?

[stallion]

We have a pope. And he is darn near as old as the last one. So instead of him sticking around for as long as John Paul, he'll be around for 5 years or so and then he'll be gone and we'll need another one. Oh, and he was in the Hitler Youth, albeit against his will. Hmmm, interesting. Oh well, I'm sure he'll have things running smoothly and doing lots of pontiff-icating.

In other news.....I saw some dude today rolling around Baltimore on a motorcycle and listening to "Come Sail Away" by Styx (I believe). I wonder what that grizzled dude from "American Chopper" thinks about that. Let's ask him....

"Sounds like a fuckin' faggot pussy to me!"
Well said.

[The Duke]

Looking back at the NFL list, I now think that "rim job" is hte funniest term on there, wither that or scrotum. Is teabagging on there?

[stallion]

No, but "Tang" and "Swinging Dicks" are.

[stallion]

Ok, pop quiz: What's funnier?

A) The front desk guy in the office building where I work accusing the janitor of "readin' them gay books";
B) A butt-ugly (buggly) Asian chick with a lazy eye wandering around talking to herself; or
C) Stumbling upon a police report with the name Richard Willis on it.

Well, all three happened to me today, actually, since lunch. Needless to say, I haven't wanted for entertainment today.

[CaticusRex]

Don`t know if anyone has posted this yet...

Go to this site..

gorillamask.net/ronmexico/

Its a "Ron Mexico name generator"

Apparently I am "Sammy Israel" or "Maximillian Liberia" depending on whether I use Chris or Christopher

Now if I want to get down with the dirty, dirty whores of society I know what name to use.

THIS I COMMAND

[The Duke]

I am apparently Thom Iceland.

[stallion]

Bruno Somalia.

[stallion]

I hope that when I pass on to the other side, I am given such a tribute.......

[stallion]

I'm going to hell for this one-yesterday at The 'Bee (Applebee's, to those of you not in the know), some of the servers had to sing a birthday song for a table. There was this retarded kid at the table who was laughing so hard, I thought he would pass out and/or shit himself. I had to go in the back and laugh my ass off. Yep, I'm going to hell for that one. But it's yet another random funny thing I've witnessed.

[stallion]

This is rapidly becoming my little place of observational writing. As disheartened as I am about having a law degree and having to wait tables, Applebee's does often provide clutch entertainment. Yesterday featured the following highlights:

1) Fat ass black woman sitting in a chair. Why was this funny, you may ask? Because she was wearing a skirt that, standing up, probably came mid-thigh. And she didn't have the good sense to keep her legs closed when she was sitting down, so yep, there was some beaver on the loose. As soon as I saw it, I thought I was going to puke. Thank the Lord it wasn't my table. Some people just have no couth. Picture a cracked-out Queen Latifah on a fried chicken and beer binge.

2) Someone ordered a hamburger "without the cheese". Funny, I thought a hamburger was a burger without cheese. Someone should give that bitch an order of life and death, minus the life. Off with the head, I say.

3) Old people: Someone needs to tell the coots out there that the Depression was over approximately 70 years ago. Please tell your friendly neighborhood geezer to stop pinching pennies and tip their servers. It makes all the difference when paying for overpriced gasoline.

4) Speaking of tipping: I have come to the conclusion that the only tables I should wait on are late teens-early twenties straight girls and groups of six or more, excluding children. I know what you're saying-"Stallion, shame on you, you have a girlfriend." Yes, I know that. I'm not implying any sort of skeazing. I'm just saying that the girls give good tips. I don't shake my ass or anything (who'd want to see that....yeech), they just tend to pay better. Gimme the loot, bitches, that's my motto. And the groups of six or more just tend to order more food (obviously), except for those goddamn kids who just get cheap eats and throw their fuckin' crayons everywhere. Kids should be banned from restaurants unless their parents provide a Shop-Vac for cleaning up after them.

[stallion]

FIELD TRIP UPDATE
Stallion made a field trip to the Baltimore Police Department, Eastern Precinct to pick up a police report for work today. And oh, the sights we did see.
1) Baltimore Cemetery: I've decided that when I die I want my ashes scattered over the ocean or have my body launched into space like Spock in Star Trek 2 or Kane in Alien. Because if all I have to look forward to is being thrown six feet deep in some dilapidated dump with a bunch of crackheads smokin' rock hanging around, I might as well pull the trigger now. Or better yet, have Mav do it and let him take the fall.
2) Rolling through the hood and blasting Journey is pretty funny. Watch out for that new streetbanger, "Wheel in the Sky", because the streets couldn't wait. Remix by MC Ren forthcoming.
3) They might as well bulldoze that entire eastern area of Baltimore near Edison Highway. There was about five people walking around in the eight block area I traveled through, and all the buildings were boarded up and apparently uninhabited. By humans, anyway. Let's down that shit and put up some highrises. Like Ric Flair said, "It's gonna be condos, Hogan! Far as the eye can see! WHOOOOO!" You know, then Hogan said, "Flair-You're the developer!"
4) I got to see me some perps. I didn't have the heart to tell them they were about to be someone's bitch. Then again, they probably already knew that, because they were skinny little fuckers.